A look in the rearview mirror
Revisiting parts of me
A couple of days before leaving for my short vacation I was guided into revisiting a wounded part of me. It was done gently with so much care and professionalism that although I cried for an hour, I felt so liberated afterwards.
I got to witness the pain my inner younger self carried, the protection she had built around her and mostly, how much she didn’t need it anymore. As a writer, I’m endlessly fascinated by the stories we tell ourselves and this time was no different. As I balled my eyes out I could feel the story crumbling around me, leaving space for something new to emerge.
Then, I went on vacation in the Laurentians and got to revisit another part of me : my early twenties. I was stationed in Ste-Agathe-des-Monts, a couple of kilometers from where I spent 4 summers being a camp counselor.
The first night I took a walk, the scent brought me back to that first moment I visited camp. I remember my father telling me how much he envied me and what a chance I had to be able to work all summer long in such a beautiful site. He was right. I had a blast!
Those years were full of discoveries, of myself and others.
I learned how to take care of kids living with Type 1 diabetes.
I reinvented the world, kayaking with friends on hot summer days.
I went on a three-days canoe trip with a quick ten minutes lesson the day prior to our departure. Ohh…that lake heard a lot of swearing!
I stepped into my natural leadership and explored my creativity.
As I was reflecting on that period in my life, I noticed that I had decided to keep a beautiful story about those years. They were. And they were also not so pleasant stuff I had pushed in a corner.
I also learned about socio-economic disparities : middle class really didn’t look the same for everyone.
I was pulled out of the sheltered cocoon I had been raised in to discover the meanness of certain girls and the backstabbing that went on to conquer a boy.
I had my first broken-heart.
And also tasted the solitude of standing on the other side as a leader.
I also have wounds from this period of my life.
Some are physical, a biking accident left small but permanent damages to my left side. Some are psychological, a learning to navigate life’s social codes not as smooth as one might like.
Revisiting all those souvenirs gave me the opportunity to bring some perspective on the story I had built around that time. By looking at the wounds, the shadows and unpleasant stuff, I raised my consciousness and was able to put some love around those stories. I also provided some much needed compassion to my twenty years old and realized that I was in peace with this part of my past.
I came back from vacation feeling even freer and lighter. Proving that sometimes looking in the rearview mirror can help us move towards an even better story.
