It wasn't me...

If you are like me and were clubbing at the beginning of the 21st century, these few words will bring a melody in your head. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go on any music streaming platform and type the words.

Put the volume very loud and dance to the best song about denial and the lack of accountability. This song is so good on many levels it was even used as a concept for a recent Super Bowl ad.

I may sound cynical but I'm not. This song is good. I've danced to it many times. The lyrics and melody are catchy and most of all, it does what a cultural piece is suppose to do : take a picture of the era in which it was created and bring a reflection upon it.

Basically, the guy cheats on his girlfriend and she discovers them in various compromising situations. When he confides this to his friend, he is told to deny everything and take no responsibility for the situation he has put himself in.

I've been there, as you probably have. Maybe not cheating part, but definitely the denial! Everything is fine, I wake up everything morning with a sense of dread, my mariage is falling apart but I'm fine. My marriage is falling apart because my husband is absent, doesn't look at me the way he used to, everything is his fault....

Ring any bells?

It also happens at home when I find an empty yogurt pot sitting in the refrigerator. Of course, this yogurt was eaten by a dog...which doesn't exist. It happens in school when students claim they have failed their exam because the teacher is ..... you can put any excuse given by a student here. It happens at work when suddenly empty coffee cups appear in the sink but everybody claims to do its dishes. Or when a project goes south and it's inevitably the client's fault. It happens when companies pollute our waters and refuse to acknowledge the damage they have done over the years. It happens almost on daily basis.

It's easy to say : "it wasn't me". It's easy to walk away when we have made a mistake and not take responsibility for it. It's easy to be a "victim" and point at someone else. Denial comes fast and as a kind of reflex in many situations.

But reflexes can be changed.

We could start by building environments (relationships, school, work) where taking responsibility is viewed positively. We could train our leaders to admit that they don't know or they were wrong. We could learn, and teach, kids as well as adults that opening up and being vulnerable is not a weakness. We could promote mistakes and the lessons they bring us, instead of hiding our weaknesses by bringing others down.

This list could go on and on and I would be curious to know what you have in mind for going from a denial mentality to taking responsibility.

The first thing that comes to mind for me is : start by pausing, take a deep breath and say "it was me".