Have you ever knocked your little toe on a object and wanted to scream at the top of your lungs? Or have a headache that makes you hate humanity?
I have. Still do.
Pain can be physical, sentimental, intellectual and often invisible. But it’s there, you can feel it.
The reaction to it varies from one person to another but my observation is that we tend to want “others” to pay for our pain. We kick the object that was in the way of our toe, we are impatient with our kid when we have a headache, we are rude to our colleagues when the day didn’t go as planned, and so on and so forth.
Although it is a normal reaction, my invitation is to start responding instead of reacting. The nuance is small, but boy, it can make a BIG difference on the outcome!
For instance, I’m having a bad day. My alarm didn’t ring, I barely had time to shower before starting my day, my two biggest clients are demanding everything all at once and my favorite coffee shop has decided to close on the day where I need it the most!
I didn’t choose those circumstances BUT I can choose my response to what’s happening around me.
I can take a deep breath and realize that waking up later hasn’t changed my schedule that much. I can see it as a good thing that my body got to rest more if it was needed.
When my clients decide to act a bit crazily I can respond by email instead of calling them to complain about their unreasonable demands. And, before writing the email, I often go for a walk. I digest my feelings, transform them and then share from another perspective.
Byron Katie, I wise woman, once said : we are always the one to start the war.
For me, it means that when we choose to vomit our pain on others before processing it, we start a war. Because pain is real, it’s energy and it contaminates others. If we spill it when we feel overwhelmed instead of taking the time to respond, we are in the wrong.
It takes consciousness and maturity to be able to acknowledge that first we are in pain, second we have a choice on how it affects us and others, and lastly how we wish to interact with people.
Do you choose to vomit your pain or you choose to pause for a few minutes, breathe, process and then respond?
I choose peace. There is enough war going on without me adding to it. I believe that pain and darkness can me alchemised into light. I’m inviting you to do this work with me.
Is it easy?
NO.
Is it worth it?
Definitely.