Stories colliding
As within so without
I used to lie in bed under the covers with a flashlight to read after my parents had told me to go to sleep. Tales were endlessly fascinating to me. Since I first started reading, there has always been an open book, either by my bed or nowadays on my phone (the best way to preserve my energy in a crowded subway train!)
As I grew older, I started discovering another side of stories : the ones we tell ourselves and others. OMG, this was akin to fireworks in my brain!!!
At first, it was hard for me to wrap my head around that concept : what do you mean “reality” is different for everyone? That realization made me understand another super important thing : “problems” arise when stories collide.
Each human carries within him/herself a multitude of conflicting stories or narratives. Every day, we try to weave them into something coherent so we can survive. Our “rational” side debates with our heart. The part of us that craves freedom negotiates with the story we were told about financial security, and so on and so forth.
The same happens between humans.
If I was told from an early age that “this kind of person” or “that kind of situation” is dangerous/threatening I create a story around that belief. On the other side, someone will have been told the same about me. It’s normal that when our stories meet a clash happens. We each believe our version of “reality” and it takes a lot of self-consciousness and a willingness to change to be able to see the story might be different from what we believed.
This example is an extreme one but we live it on a smaller scale everyday. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with anyone, misunderstandings occur. I meant to say XYZ and the other person perceives ABC. In my story XYZ means “you are getting on my nerves but I still love you deeply” but in the other person’s story it might mean “I’m getting on her nerves, therefore she will leave”. Who is right?
That’s the thing when stories collide. We often feel like we have the “right” version of it. Like we are misunderstood or alone in our belief. Alone in our rightness.
The truth is more nuanced than that.
Both stories exist. They are 100 percent true for each character. But if we take a step back, breath in and out, we realize that all the stories are also one and the same.
Every human feels inadequate at times. Wants to belong in a group that sees and love him/her wholly. Has ambitions and dreams that might seem foolish to others.
These stories are universal. When we understand that, it’s easier to take a step back from our own and look at the bigger picture. Because we tend to forget there is also a bigger story, where every human participates, bumping against each other.
The way I see it, each and every one of us is trying to make the most of what we were given by the creator of the bigger story. We fumble, we stumble, we get back up. The real miracle happens when we realize that our tale is not unique but shared. That every human walking this planet is part of our narrative just by being. When we make peace with our own conflicting stories we can start brushing up against others instead of colliding. We can start making peace at a larger scale. We can start changing the bigger story.
